The opinions of others do not define us

My wife gets in a knot when people in her office talk about her. So I asked her, "who gave them the right to decide whether you make the cut or not?" She replied, "I did". Therein is the rub - we are so busy trying to please others, that we we never fulfil our divine purpose and thus never please God.

Jack Nicklaus, still arguably the greatest golfer of them all, would get irritated by weekend hackers. He noticed that they would play a bad shot then curse themselves as they persistently reminded themselves of their uselessness, whilst confirming the point ... all the way to the clubhouse. He got around it all by giving himself a quota of bad shots - then when he did play a bad shot he would tick it off his quota and say, "Jack you're not a bad player, you just played a bad shot."

I recently described a music band who advised those seeking success to stop trying so hard. Their simple secret was to play their own game, whilst simply enjoying their game. Success came, partly because in enjoying themselves they drew others to their music, but also because they simply played so much better when they were doing what they enjoyed doing most. How many of you do better when you try so hard to do what you don't want to do, simply to please others?

My son is currently struggling - he is being benched in his team and overlooked. The result is a pygmalion effect - because others have dismissed him, he is fulfilling their expectations and playing badly. I told him that even the very best players in his game, rugby, only achieve 4-5 tackles per match. Accordingly, like Nicklaus, I advised him to set his own par and decide from game to game how many telling tackles he could realistically make per game. That would give him a personal quota that he could play to without worrying about what people think. I also advised him to simply enjoy his game, citing many other players who found their own personal turning point in learning to play their own game.

Ultimately, we do allow others to decide whether we have made the cut, but I have found that people are far harsher judges of our souls than God is. So I urge you to allow the most redemptive heart of all to be the sole arbiter of your life - pleasing Him is rewarding enough in and of itself.

My question to you is - who are you living for?

(c) Peter Eleazar @ www.4u2live.net